obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
