So drunk its hurt
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
