I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
