Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
