Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
