He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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