Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
