So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
