arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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