apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
