I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
