That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
