just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
