My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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