Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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