I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
