I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dicks are not precious.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
