Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
