I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize