Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
