I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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