yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize