Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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