:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
