mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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