Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
