You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
