I can text with my tongue
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
