did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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