I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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