My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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