3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
