Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
