A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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