He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
