if you like me you must not know who I am
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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