Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
