i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
