So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
