My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
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