It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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