We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize