first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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