He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
