I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
