well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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