One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
