I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
