Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
