ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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