yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
