Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
