she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
