Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
