I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
