I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize