I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
