We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
