Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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