Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
