I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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