Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The uberlube is also flammable
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
