I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
