I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
