I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
