Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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