I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
At least make sure they are 18
Why
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize