i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
