I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
