I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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