This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
